Lastly, because I cant stop(in reference below):
They say celibacy has died, and it is absolutely absurd for anyone in this generation to expect or still believe in it. But the truth is that celibacy is almost never introduced for the benefit of self worth and security. It is almost always introduced for reasons of religion and avoiding sin.
Consider the idea of teenagers, keeping their virginity for the simple fact that the main reason they lose it is in hopes of staying socially accepted. Teenagers lose their virginity in order to gain confidence. But what if they kept it in order to first learn how to remain beautiful and worthy in the initial absence of sex. What if they were taught that sex was something that someone should long for from you, and require considerable care and patience to attain. I guess it doesn't matter much, because like I said, to each their own. But regardless of it all, sex is rampant, and with that self worth, self confidence, and security are probably at an all time low. None of us know exactly why, but most of us will blame it on society. We'll blame it on the media's depiction of the perfect and "acceptable" yet unattainable body type. We'll say that the world is not accepting enough, but the truth is that we make our own choices and we follow our own motives. Society does not make u feel unloved. You and the actions you take, young and old, are the reasons why you feel the way that you do.
One of their most familiar teachings uses the example of an hors d'oeuvre tray. They say that if the tray is in front of you, eat happily what you want from it. If it is not yet come to you do not crave it, and if it has passed you by, do not long for its return. In theory, if you have acted wisely, you savored the treats while you had access to them, but would not have been sad had they not come your way, nor will you be sad once they are gone. For both of those circumstances are out of your control. The only thing you can control is your opinion of the situation (to care or not care about that tray that is so far away from you, and hence your expectations for the situation) and of course, your interaction once the tray arrives before you: to savor the bites of food, or to wolf them down without appreciation for the tentative nature of their presence in your life.
I’m not too worried about my next snack at a party, but the metaphor extends itself to all sorts of other things in life that we want for ourselves, that we yearn for regardless of practicality and build up all sorts of unreasonable expectations around, be it jobs, or money or that special someone. Most of my friends are skeptics of this Stoic point of view and its 'have no expectation' line of thinking, believing that there are some fundamental flaws with the outlook.
As a disclaimer, I must admit, that here I am talking about sex and love, and of all people have little to no experience in it.
You see my problem is that I want to get married just like everyone else, but I have no desire to date. I don't want to date partly because I don't want to have sex. And I don't want to have sex because I don't want to come down from the high. I don't want to crash from the crazy ride that it takes you on from the very beginning. I don't want my sex life to become part of my identity. To affect when I go out and when I stay home. To have control on my self confidence and self worth. I don't want to depend on anything that is hard for me to control. I guess I just want to be free.
Citing unknown source :(
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